Some thoughts on marriage

I wrote this a few months back when there was a chance I'd be speaking at some part of Bill and Stacy's wedding. It wouldn't really serve well as a toast, and I'm sure not giving the sermon, so my blog will do just fine. Your thoughts would be appreciated:

I’m no expert on marriage, but I heard somewhere that putting pen to a marriage paper is like signing a death certificate along with it. Sure, marriage is “til death do us part,” and there’s certainly that element of finality and closure that marriage brings, but that’s not my point--really. If I can speculate, it seems to me that a successful marriage is about the hundreds of thousands of deaths that happen before the big death does its part. It’s about dying to ourselves daily and thus truly living out Christ’s command to love others before ourselves.

Marriage intimately and ultimately kills any sort of illusion we hold that we are the center of the universe. The days of wanting our own way come to a close when we give all of ourselves: our money, our bodies, our stuff, our space, our dreams and our futures to our spouses willingly. We sign away any right we have to putting our interests first and instead take on the interests of others: specifically, one other—-our Beloved.

This is modeled for us perfectly in the Bridegroom of the Bible, who gave Himself willingly, taking on the very nature of a servant, thinking of the interests of His Bride—the Church—above all else. He too signed a death certificate and He calls us to carry that same Cross. Marriage is a way to do just this. In fact, this is the deep down core of marriage or of any human relationship, that, as we seek to love each other more we realize it’s about loving ourselves less in the end. And this is why we’re gathered here today, so that Bill and Stacy can commit their lives to one another, to sign their death certificate along with their wedding one, and to model the sacrificial love of Christ to one another in doing just that.

I can remember when Stacy was deciding whether or not she liked Bill in a husband sort-of way (which wasn’t a simple process even with eHarmony’s help), somebody reminded her that looking for a spouse is not about looking for the best-looking or best-dressed in the bunch, but about deciding who you want to be there with you when you hear the news of a death of a parent. The important things. I’ve learned over the years from my sister Stacy that loving someone is not about whether they’ve got it all together or you’re getting along great or whether you deem them lovable. Those are the unimportant things.

I’m so happy and so thankful that Bill and Stacy have found each other, found someone to love, that they’ve found a best friend to share with, to be with, and that they’re willing first, to die with. If you’ll now raise your glasses: Here’s to my big sister Stacy, my new brother Bill, and to their love for each other and the love they share for their Savior Jesus Christ, who taught us that true love is love willing to lay down its life for a friend.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I love this!

The only thing I would change ever so slightly is to suggest that loving the other more doesn't necessitate you loving yourself any less.

If you are using love to mean selfishness then yes, but to love oneself is not something evil I think.

We are commanded to love one another just as we love ourselves, not selfishly, but sacrificially as you have mentioned.